You know how sometimes you'll be walking around and remember something and think, "note to self: check out those shoes;" or "note to self: use some mascara," or whatever? Well, seeing NOTES ON A SCANDAL did that to me, so here goes: note to self, don't become a cat-loving, bath-taking, diary-writing, gold-star awarding, psycho-stalking crazy old lady teacher. Because if I did become that, there's no way I'd be anywhere near as convincing and scary as Judy Dench in ...
... the movie adaptation of Zoe Heller's novel. Whoa, she was creepy. Her portrayal of Barb Covett, an about-to-retire elementary school teacher who moonlights as a malignant narcissist nutcase, is so spot on, she's been nominated for an Academy Award as Best Actress in a Lead Role. Ha. Her voiceover read of her diary entries is both contemptuous and envious of her fellow teachers -- and mankind in general -- with just a kind word for her cat, and of course her pretend girlfriend.
The object of her affection is Sheba Hart, a 30-something art teacher (Cate Blanchett, also nominated for Best Actress in a Supporting Role) who foolishly and stupidly and somewhat creepily gets into a hot affair with a 15-year-old student (Black Irish, real brogue, so one could see the attraction, but still). Sheba is so clueless that when she's caught out about the affair, her first defense is, "he'll be 16 in April." So you can see that in many ways, Sheba deserves the very hell she gets from Barb.
I mean, you could see it if it weren't for the fact that Barb has been writing wildly fantastic "notes" in her diaries that portray a relationship vastly different from reality. Because Barb has a big girl crush on Sheba, and has convinced herself that someday they'll be together. When she discovers Sheba's indiscretion, she swears to keep it quiet, thus bonding herself to Sheba as the keeper of dirty secrets. But Barb isn't happy with that, and pushes and pushes until Sheba breaks.
The real reason to see NOTES is to watch these two women circle each other in a no-win battle of the wits. The movie itself is a big old melodrama, with a big swooning score by Philip Glass that pushes the "melo" over the "drama" more than once. At points it was all so over-the-top it was giggle-inducing. Between the crazy antics of Barb, the silly reactions of Sheba, the swooning score, and the easy way it all could've been avoided, this was like an old-fashioned movie where you just have to suspend disbelief.
So, note to self: I don't think Dame Judy will get that Oscar out of Helen Mirren's hands, but Cate might stand a chance. Their acting is superb, but the material here is just too...too.